Silent Night
by Crystal Delphina
Summary: Padme's reflections on falling in love, and what changed her mind. Please R & R.


Disclaimer: Oddly enough, I just found out Padmé and Anakin (oh yes, especially Anakin ^_~) belong to me. Oh wait... NOT!! They belong to Mr. George Lucas. So that's it for the whole disclaimer thing.

A.N.: Just to clear up any misunderstandings, this is my first Star Wars fic, and I haven't read like every single book or anything, so I only know what's happened in the movies. Oh wait, that's not true totally. I did just recently read the Ep. 2 book, but other then that, nothing else. Please oh please review, because I totally have another story idea, but I'm not going to bother writing it unless people actually like my writing.

I hope it isn't to confusing, I did want to give a little bit of edge to it I guess is the only way to describe it. This is basically a Padmé self reflection, and I also admit she is a little OOC. This takes place a couple days after the wedding. I'll just shutup now. 

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Silent Night

By Crystal Delphina

I could pretend. Pretend the galaxy doesn't matter. Pretend that my role in society is nothing more then a meaningless act. Pretend that dreams are not on the line. Pretend that this dream will never end.

On the other hand, I could pretend love is meaningless to me. That I don't yearn for it, or for a family of my own with every strand of my being. I could pretend not to love someone so deeply that it kills me to look but be forbidden to reach out and touch. For if I touch, there is always the fear of breaking a fragile (and extremely false) illusion.

Either way, I end up lying to myself. I end up hurting myself that way. I end up tormenting a lost soul who looks to me as his savior. As his angel. An angel that he has dreamt about for a decade. An angel he has loved since he was only a small boy. An angel who has filled his dreams as only second to his mother.

Oh Force, his mother. Let her kind and giving soul rest in peace, though I already know it has. From what he told me, she sounded as if she had had a serene release of some kind, if that even makes sense after such a tragic ending. He will never see it as that though - that he gave her completion, her last wish granted. Forever, he will view her death as his fault.

Perhaps that was why I felt the need to comfort him. I could see it in his eyes as soon as he returned. She was dead. He had failed. It was as simple as that. It wasn't until later that I had learned the horrible truth of his hatred driven revenge. For a moment, I wasn't sure whether to go to him, or shy away in fear. I'm not scared of him, but rather... I don't know how to describe it. He is undeniably strong. An intense power flows throughout him that no one has ever seen before - a dark power at times that worries me. 

Although I've said it again, and again (not to mention it's also quite plain to see for yourself), he has grown up. He may look 20 and have matured, but he sometimes acts like that 10 year old I knew so long ago when he couldn't get his way.

Even with all these things I've mentioned, he somehow convinced me it was okay to love. I was tired of the lies, the constant desire, and the unrest I caused both of us due to my reluctance. I lay crying on my bed that night at the resort when I told him we couldn't risk falling in love. I couldn't sleep, and instead stayed up listening to the moans and tortured cries for help he shouted out in his nightmare, fighting off invisible forces. Finally, I couldn't take it, listening to his pain. Against all logic and my speech earlier in the romantic firelight, I crept to his door to watch his form twist amongst the sheets. 

My heart screamed to go to him, wake him, embrace him even. My head tried to conjure up reasons why getting involved was exactly what I didn't want to do and would be the end of all my hard work and me. My heart won in the end because I couldn't stand seeing him like that.

I took a hesitant step past the threshold, only to have him go silent and still in a sudden newfound serenity. Feeling unsure and confident all at the same time, I slowly began to make my way to his bedside. He was no longer gasping, but breathing shallowly, and he no longer looked like he was in a fevered sweat - only sleeping.

Upon reaching him, I knelt down so my face was only a mere half-foot away from his own. I slowly brought a hand up to stroke his brow, and move sweat slicked hair back to it's proper place.

"Padmé," he mumbled slightly, in a dream-state.

I remembered then all the reasons why I shouldn't be there, and basically sprinted back to the security of my own room. Only a few mere minutes later did the groaning continue, and soon after I heard him awaken. I listened as he walked through the halls, most likely getting something to calm his nerves. When I heard him near my door though and stop, my eyes snapped shut, and I began to breathe deeply, as if I was asleep. He opened my door, and I imagine he stood there watching me 'sleep' for nearly 20 minutes. The moon slowly sank as dawn approached, and he was gone suddenly.

Again, I am not tired at all, laying here in bed, feeling his warm breath against my skin. This time though I can reach out and touch his face without fear, but I wouldn't dare to anyway. This is one of the first undisturbed nights he has had in a long time. I'll let him enjoy this short vacation from reality. I'll admit that sometimes even I'll forget our time is limited. He has a way of doing that for me.

"Do you often watch me while I sleep?" he suddenly drawls next to me. I'm blushing, but hopefully the dark will cover my reddening cheeks. 

"Every time I have the chance," I answer finally, letting a little smugness come into my voice. He smiles and the arms around my waist pull me closer to him. I giggle a little while he starts kissing my neck. I can't take it anymore, and finally full out laugh, while trying to tickle attack him. It's bad though to tickle a Jedi, I just figured out. I know that he's using the Force to make me more sensitive to his feathery deliberate touches. Damn him.

"Give up?" he whispers in my ear. I can't exactly answer between my heavy breathing, and laughs.

"Yes," I manage with a gasp. He gives me a roughish grin, and pulls me closer again. He's smiling at me, and I think he's actually laughing at me inside, I can see it in his eyes. 

"You're so bad sometimes," I continue with a huff and a small pout. A small (playful) hit to his chest for extra measure too. He shouldn't think to mess with me again.

"You forget who you're talking to m'lady. I'm a rebel if you remember correctly." Although it was meant to be a lighthearted comment, it has saddened me for I am forced to remember. Remember that everything we're experiencing right now is not going to last forever. Really only a couple more days. Then we will be forced to be parted. All due to his rebellious nature.

Biting my lip slightly, I pull away a bit (or as much as I can with his arms around me), and shut my eyes trying to keep reality at bay. His grin is gone instantly, and instead is placed with a worried look.

"Padmé, what's wrong?" Oh don't make me answer that question. It will only further force me to think about what will happen down the road.

"Nothing, nothing at all." I shake my head, trying to push them to the corners of my mind.

"You're lying to me," he replies all to seriously, his beautiful blue eyes darkening and piercing into me. I swear he can see into my very soul. I collapse against his chest and just allow him to draw me against him, his chin resting atop my head.

"This will all end soon, and then what will we do? We will never be able to see each other, and then when we are allowed to, we have to do so in secret. And I feel bad because I know you'll end up risking everything you've worked so hard for, and you'll have to lie to Master Kenobi eventually, and as you already stated, he's like your father, and then we have to worry about-" I'm crying against his skin, and nearly hyperventilating in my tearful frenzy of worries. He silences me by drawing me up so we are face to face, and puts a finger on my trembling lips. Slowly he starts kissing away my tears.

"Don't - cry - Padmé," he's murmuring between kisses. "We'll figure it out. All that matters now though is that we do have each other, and no one can come between us. So enjoy what time we have now." 

"When are we going to figure it out though? We have to be realistic about this," I whisper, as he continues kissing my now dry cheeks, and the corners of my mouth. My eyes are still closed, cause I cannot bear to look at him without crying again, and I can sense that his are closed now, most likely for similar reasons. If we face each other like this, actuality would make this fantasy world slowly fade away. 

I really do have to stop thinking like this. Isn't this what got me into my original position in the first place that he had to pull me out of? I am just a realist - stupid me.

"Padmé, open your eyes and look at me." Damn, can he read my mind or something? Most likely he can, and just hasn't chosen to tell me. I have to admit that Force powers sometimes piss me off. I'm avoiding him, can you tell yet? Nope, we've already gone over this whole opening my eyes concept. Shaking my head in defiance is the best option I have right now, and I just go ahead and do it.

"Padmé...please open your eyes. It's alright," he sighs. I can almost imagine him internally struggling on whether to frown at my attitude, or smile at it. I give in, and slowly open one eye, and then the other. I was right about the whole internal struggle thing. He finally cracks a smile at me.

"Padmé, do you love me?" he asks, bringing up a hand to caress my face and tuck some strands of hair behind my ear. I could melt into his touch, and I slightly nuzzle his hand that is resting on my cheek. I don't even have to think about the question, and immediately reply.

"Of course I love you. I just am worried about-"

"And you know how much I'm in love with you." Cutting me off tonight seems to be the fashion. I'll have to get him back later for that. "So just so long as we know that, then nothing else matters," he continues. He looks at me for a second to see if I agree to his theory and logic. I give up (for right now). He's right, I'm tired, and I just want to sleep in his arms for the rest of the night without anymore problems.

He's smiling, and I can tell his blue eyes are sparkling, even in the dark. He leans in to kiss me, gentle at first, and slowly I melt into it and let it go a bit deeper. So many kisses tonight - not that I'm complaining of course. I could live with him showering me with kisses for the rest of my life. If only I could be so lucky, but I'll take what I can get.

Finally the passionate kisses slow down, and as funny and romantic as it sounds, we cuddle. I'm too tired right now to bother to think about the future. All I know for certain is what is happening right now, and that's enough for right now. I mean I could stress over what I'm going to do when he's gone, but then I would be stressing while I had him, just like he said, so why bother. Besides, there's always holomails, and the possible senatorial duty that just might drag me in the vicinity of a certain Jedi Temple that houses a certain Jedi. Oops, look how that works out, oh darn. (Can you totally tell I'm being sarcastic?). Besides -

"Padmé, can you do me a favor, and please don't take it the wrong way, when I ask you to shutup?" he mumbles with a lopsided grin. That's it, he can read my mind. That is so unfair. Moreover, it's even worse that he can even interrupt me when I'm not even talking.

"Of course I can. And I wasn't joking. Please, just shush." He gives a small chuckle at my mock angry face.

"You can be so annoying sometimes Anakin Skywalker." 

"Whatever you say Mrs. Padmé Skywalker," he says, giving me a kiss again. This honeymoon will continue to be this dream that both of us love, and the rest of our lives will hopefully let us dream a couple more times.

~ End


End file.
